Let’s talk about imposter syndrome. Not the cute Instagram version with pastel affirmations and “you got this!” quotes. I’m talking about the real, ugly, bone-deep kind. The kind that sneaks into your soul when your boss smiles at you with that tone. The kind that grows in workplaces where gaslighting is the office culture and confidence is a threat.
Let me tell you about the time I started believing I was the issue.
It started small. I wasn’t invited to a meeting — no biggie, right? Probably a mistake. Then it happened again. And again. Eventually, the team would sit in a boardroom, laughing and nodding at inside jokes and decisions already made… while I was left sitting at my desk, wondering if I’d missed an email or done something wrong.
So I asked.
“Hey, I noticed I haven’t been in the last few project meetings. Is there something I should be aware of?”
Cue the smile. You know the one.
“Oh no, Anna. That’s not what’s happening. Don’t be so sensitive. The meetings were very last minute. You wouldn’t have had anything to contribute.”
Oof.
It didn’t stop there. Over time, I noticed I’d share an idea, and it would be met with silence… until someone else repeated it later and suddenly it was brilliant.
I’d hit every target, meet every deadline, but somehow always get feedback like, “We just need you to be more strategic.”
What does that even mean?
No one could ever quite explain it. But the message was clear: You’re not enough. But don’t ask questions about it, or that’ll be a problem too.
So, I started to shrink.
I questioned everything I said. I reread every email. I stayed late. I overprepared. I stopped raising my hand. I told myself, “They must be right. Maybe I’m not leadership material. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
We think imposter syndrome is just a confidence issue. But often? It’s a survival response to a toxic environment.
Here’s the truth they don’t tell you:
Imposter syndrome doesn’t just magically appear.
It grows in places where:
- Your ideas are dismissed
- You’re left out, overlooked, or undermined
- You’re praised publicly but punished privately
- You’re given just enough encouragement to keep you quiet, but not enough to help you grow
- And when you speak up? You’re told it’s all in your head
Sound familiar?
Who suffers from it? High achievers. Empaths. People-pleasers. Women who were taught to work twice as hard for half the recognition. People who don’t look like the typical “leader.” People who’ve been conditioned to feel lucky just to be in the room.
And the saddest part? Most of us don’t even realize it’s happening.
We think: If I could just work harder. If I could just prove myself one more time…
But imposter syndrome doesn’t go away when you achieve more.
It only goes away when you start believing you were never the problem to begin with.
One day, someone outside that toxic space looked me in the eye and said:
“Anna, you are not imagining it. And you are not the problem.”
And it broke me open.
Because I had spent months — years, if I’m honest — gaslighting myself. Dimming my light. Doubting every decision. All because a system taught me to question my value.
If this hits a little too close to home, you’re not broken — you’re likely just burned out from having to prove you belong in spaces you’ve already earned your way into.
You’re not a fraud.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re not imagining things.
You’re done being silent about what it’s costing you.