Before my partner and I were married, we lived on a property with several other tenants. There was a main house where we stayed, and three other homes or apartments spread across the land. At the heart of it all was a massive swimming pool, and every so often, we’d gather around it for a South African braai. For those unfamiliar, a braai is a glorious BBQ-fire crackling, meat sizzling, music playing, wine or beer in hand, and good company all around. It was the kind of gathering that felt like home, even among people who weren’t family by blood.
One of those people was Max. Max drank too much, laughed at everything, and had the purest heart of them all. I loved Max dearly. He had a habit of knocking on our back door at the oddest hours just to strike up a conversation. And Max had a saying that has stuck with me ever since:
“Lovey, I don’t HAVE to.”
Or in Afrikaans, “Lovey, ek HOEF nie.”
At first, it was just one of Max’s quirks, but over time, I found myself using his words in my own life-especially in my coaching. Whenever clients feel stuck, when they don’t know how to handle a toxic situation, I tell them to pause, feel what is right for them, decide where their boundaries lie, and then confidently say: “Lovey, I don’t have to.”
Boundaries Are Not Barriers-They Are Your Power
Many people misunderstand boundaries, thinking they are walls that shut people out. In reality, boundaries are a way to invite respect into your life. They define what you will and won’t accept, making it clear where you stand. And the beauty of boundaries? You don’t have to be aggressive to set them-you just have to be firm.
Why Are Boundaries Important in the Workplace?
Toxic workplaces thrive in environments where people feel obligated to say yes to everything. Without boundaries, you risk:
* Overworking and burning out
* Taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours
* Being treated unfairly
* Feeling undervalued and unseen
* Having your time and energy drained by others’ demands
Setting boundaries empowers you. It lets people know you respect yourself-and they should too.
How to Set Boundaries at Work (Without Burning Bridges)
You don’t need to be rude to be respected. Here are some ways to set workplace boundaries while maintaining professionalism and composure:
1. Boundaries Around Workload
Situation: Your boss constantly assigns you extra tasks beyond your job description.
How to set a boundary: “I’d love to help, but my current workload is full. If this is a priority, can we discuss what tasks can be shifted?”
2. Boundaries Around Time
Situation: A colleague regularly calls or emails after hours, expecting immediate responses. How to set a boundary: “I’m happy to assist during work hours. I’ll review your request first thing tomorrow.”
3. Boundaries Around Disrespect
Situation: A coworker frequently interrupts or speaks over you in meetings.
How to set a boundary: “I wasn’t finished speaking. I’d like to complete my point before we move on.”
4. Boundaries Around Toxic Behavior
Situation: A manager belittles your ideas or dismisses your contributions.
How to set a boundary: “I value constructive feedback, but I’d appreciate it if we kept the discussion professional and solution-focused.”
5. Boundaries Around Gossip and Drama
Situation: Colleagues often drag you into workplace gossip.
How to set a boundary: “I prefer to stay focused on work and not get involved in personal matters.”
The Key to Holding Boundaries: Confidence & Consistency
Boundaries are not one-time statements-they require consistent reinforcement. The first time you set a boundary, people may test it. Stand firm. If you waver, you send the message that your limits are flexible. But when you hold steady, people learn to respect them.
And remember, just like Max said, you don’t HAVE to. You don’t have to accept mistreatment, you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone, and you don’t have to carry responsibilities that don’t belong to you.
Boundaries are not selfish-they are self-respect.
So next time someone crosses a line, take a breath, stand tall, and in your own way, channel Max’s wisdom: “Lovey, I don’t have to.”